Wednesday, March 29, 2017

39 Things to Do Before I turn 40

39 years of age.

Today, I am 39 years of age.

How in the heck did that happen? Just yesterday I was 5 years old, sitting in my living room, playing with my Masters of the Universe action figures. Now I am 39 years of age, with a real career, friends, love in my life, money in the bank, and now playing with my Masters of the Universe action figures in my bedroom. But as a woman, the cry of "Oh my Goodness I am turning 40!" is something to be afraid of and to not embrace. We, as a society, have been conditioned to be afraid of turning this number. That being 40 is a plague of some sort. Remember Sally’s meltdown in When Harry Met Sally?

Sally: [Crying hysterically] And I’m going to be 40!
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday!
Harry: In eight years!
Sally: But it’s there! It’s like a big dead end!

Only it is not the end for me. I’m not dreading turning 40. Not at all. I am running towards it at warp speed. I would be perfectly fine to fast-forward through my 30s because they have been a mess. I’d love to start fresh with this new decade. I’d really love to find some deep pockets of confidence and self-awareness. As today is my day of born (Thank you Matt Hardy), I thought to myself -- hey I like lists. Bucket lists in fact. I looked online for some ideas and immediately laughed. These goals are certainly not anything I could achieve with the time I have before I turn 40! For example: “compete in the Ironman Triathlon,” (yeah. You are talking to a person who dreads exercise, even though she loves to swim.) “travel across Europe by train on the Venice Simplon-Orient-Express,” (Um, with the way trains have been derailing lately? Yeah no thank you. I want to live past 40 -- not die at 40) and “go yachting in Monaco or St-Tropez,” (With what boat?) Clearly I needed to create my OWN list, a practical list, a manageable list, a list just right for a geek bookworm teacher without an unlimited budget and private jet. After all, who wants to feel like a failure on the cusp of 40?! So here we go -- Here are my 39 Things to Do Before I Turn 40. I will update this as I do it throughout the year.

1: Watch the movie “This is 40”
2: Go to the Central Park Zoo.
3: Get my lion cub tattoo touched up/redone.
4: Get a new tattoo.
5: Have a romantic picnic and visit an art museum.
6: Do the MP3 Experiment or another flash mob experience through Improv Everywhere.
7: Have a spa day at Bliss with a girlfriend.
8: Get a professional makeup lesson.
9: Buy new bedsheets.
10: Submit one piece of poetry to a magazine.
11: Name a star.
12: Take a hip hop dance class.
13: Write more letters.
14: Read 5 books I don’t want to read. (Moby Dick, War and Peace, etc)
15: Continue to accentuate the positive in life.
16: Write a sentence every day for a year (March 29, 2017 - March 29 2018)
17: Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.
18. See Hamilton on Broadway.
19. Try a lipstick color that is outside my comfort zone and wear it out for one full day.
20. Spend an entire day offline.
21. Grow a plant from seed and watch it grow.
22. Forgive your frenemies and move on. I am only hurting myself by holding on to grudges. Stop letting them have power over me.
23. Go back into studying French.
24. Lose 39 pounds.
25. Learn how to embroider.
26. Take a fancy cooking class.
27. Complete an art class.
28. Break at least one bad habit.
29. Go visit a psychic.
30. Write my will.
31. Hand out a $100 bill to a homeless person in need.
32. Get my upper right ear re-pierced properly.
33. Buy a Canon DSLR, read the manual, and set up some photo shoots.
34. Learn how to cross stitch.
35. Stop judging others, more importantly stop judging yourself.
36. Take a class in something weird
37. Fly in First Class. Not Business or Business/First, but a full-fledged First Class experience.
38. Think one positive thought every day before you get out of bed
39. Breathe this all in and realize I have lived and continue to live one badass fulfilling life.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

2017 Goals and the Mantra of Spread the Love

Like I do every year, as well with my other blog post which I will thank Gala Darling for the inspiration, here are the questions I asked myself as a reflection of this year and writing of my 2017 goals.

1. What am I bored of?
2. What do I want more of?
3. What can I let go of?
4. What would give me peace of mind?
5. What am I devoted to?

Here are my personal answers.

1: I am bored of being taken for granted and not loved. I am bored of being neglected. Yes there were plenty of times throughout 2016 that my paranoia got the best of me as well as my insecurities which made me co-dependent but I was only reacting to the way I was being treated. I am also bored of not standing my ground and standing up for what I believe in as well as my owning my feelings. Also I am still bored of checking my Facebook to see if what I have posted or shared have been seen or commented on. I need to employ the fuck it attitude back into my life and enjoy myself more. I am also bored that I haven't taken care of me as much as I should, my insides and outsides, and committing to self-care as a practice that's necessary to me and people I care about. Oh, and I am bored with feeling guilty about it.

2: I want more love. Simple as that. More love, more positivity, more spontaneity, more appreciation, more deep joy, more nourishment. If it is toxic -- it has to go. If it brings me down, it has to go. I also will give myself permission to feel good. I don't need to earn the right to feel joy and there isn't a "joy authority" out there, with a checklist of what I must do before I can feel happier. I am enough, right now, just as I am.

3: I can let go of toxicity and negativity which I have and will continue to do so. Also I need to let go on trying so hard with people and that sometimes I need to learn to say no and that if I am having my own issues; that I can not be there 24/7 and it is perfectly okay for me to be selfish about my own self care. It also works both ways -- if I am having my own issues, which I do, I need to know that I can depend upon my friends and believe me I do know who is there for me.

4: Like 2015 and 2016 -- I think learning that just because my friends or family do not message or text or call me all the time does not mean that they do not love me. That will give me peace of mind. For some strange unbeknown reasons, I got it into my head that unless my phone is "blowing up", that I am not loved. Things/shit happen to people all the time. As long as I hear from them, I should be fine. The only thing I will say is that I am tired of the constant initiation I need to do or the lack of attention I receive. If I took the time out to send you a message say hello, get back to me somehow. Do not leave me hanging. That is a pet peeve of mine. Also, It's OK to walk away sometimes. Not everything is supposed to work out.

5: I am devoted to taking care of myself and to loving myself more. I need to treat myself how I treat my lovers. Kindness is a practice. I will get better the more I do it. Don't beat myself up if sometimes it doesn't come easily. Just keep practicing. I will sprinkle joy as often as I possibly can. Invest in and cherish the experiences that bring you joy.

With that being said, here are my 2017 goals. I do not say "resolutions" as I feel that word already will lead me into failure world.

Dani’s 2017(Two Thousand and Lovin’!) Goals

Starting: January 1, 2017
Ending: December 31, 2017

1. Read 60 books (0/60)
2. Watch 100 movies (0/100)
3. Invest in myself more.
4. Stop caring about what other people think.
5. Make more time for the right people.
6. Make less time for the wrong people.
7. Give myself more of a break.
8. Live more in the present. Don’t fuss over what might never happen.
9. Don’t try so hard with people.
10. Make the time and effort for those who truly matter.
11. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.
12 Keep a year of memories/positive jar. Write down every time something happens to me that makes me feel good — a friendly comment, a gift I get, unexpected luck, etc. At the end of the year I will have a journal of positivity and happy memories.

13. Complete a A-Z Author Challenge.
14. Attend 5 concerts (0/5)
15. Attend 15 professional wrestling shows -- either independent or WWE.