DaniMania 40 and It's Running Wild!

Yes, it is true. Today is my birthday and I am turning 40… Too Sweet Woop Woop! I know what you’re thinking, “I can’t believe she is going to be 40. She sure doesn't look 40. She can pass for a 25 year old! She is freakishly smart, witty, flat-out adorable, courageous and she is living her best life.” But it’s true. Some people hide their age, but I like to think of it as my DaniMania 40. To be honest it doesn't feel real at all. Forty has always seemed so far away, so grown up...so old! Yet here I am saying farewell to my thirties. And while it feels big, I have decided to embrace it and welcome a midlife with open arms. I have no idea what the future will bring but the past 3 years have been full of growth and SO MANY lessons learned. Here are 40 things that I learned and know --

1. Well for one thing -- I have made it to 40 years old! Had 4 major surgeries (3 reconstructive ankle surgeries, 1 gall bladder removal). Diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis 6 years ago and currently in remission. That shit ain't got nothing on me. Life for a while kept on handing me lemons -- so I lived by the cliche of making lemonade; even though I can not drink it.

2. I learned that I am not in competition with anyone but myself. Yeah sometimes it can be easy to compare yourself to others. I like to call it the compare and despair game. Facebook pages showing all the delightful moments your friends are having. Romantic comedies portraying what being in love should look like. Feeling like your life would be perfect if you just had that house with the white picket fence, 2.5 kids and a Siberian Husky. But now I’ve come to realize… everyone has their own crap they’re dealing with and I don’t have to be anywhere in my life other than where I am right now. I am in control of my life. Stop comparing myself to others. Serves me no good.

3. I don't feel guilty anymore about letting toxicity and negativity go. I used to be a paranoid, insecure, codependent due to past relationships. I do have some slips but after taking the time to dig deep into my roots and learning the ways of radical self love -- I understand it’s not the quantity of the relationships in my life, it’s the quality. I have learned to eliminate those in my life who don’t bring me happiness and who do not serve my most good.

4. I try my best to realize that I am not in control of everything and I do not waste time on the things that I can not change.

5. A good night sleep and drinking lots of water is better than botox. Take care of myself. Self-care is not self-ish; it’s necessary. Only when I take care of me am I truly able to care for others.

6. I am WAY stronger than I ever knew.

7. Life is just way too short for chaos and drama. Count my blessings and practice gratitude often.

8. I know who my true friends are. At 40, that fuzzy line that existed in your 20s and 30s between ‘friends’ and ‘acquaintances’ can be drawn with laser precision. By now, I have weeded out the fair weather friends, the posers and the double crossers. And, truthfully, I have probably been weeded out too. (By those who couldn’t handle my sheer awesomeness, of course!). At 40 I finally understand that it is perfectly normal to have a social circle of which only a handful are my true peeps. Sometimes I do have my moments of "I have no friends!" and no Facebook does not count but there’s comfort in finally understanding who my true friends are. True friends don’t care if I have had a bad day, if I have been incognito for months (which NEVER happens), or if I look like a hot mess. They are the ones who like me just the way I am, no matter how imperfect I may be.

9. I don't have time to worry about who doesn't like me. I am too busy loving the people who love me. I no longer need the acceptance, validation, or approval from others to feel good about myself. I no longer feel that I have to be someone I am not. I am me -- and if you don't like me, well that is your problem.

10. Three very important words -- LET IT GO.

11. I got to unplug from social media every once in a while. It will always be there and can wait but moments and adventures will not be as well as will not wait. Get out there and enjoy life!

12. I learned and embraced how to say “NO.” I need to protect my time so that I have time for what, and who, really matters — including ME.

13.I learned and embraced how to say “YES!” to what will feed my soul. Say yes to the things that will bring me joy.

14. Money doesn’t buy happiness; even though people will say it does. Research has suggested that once one’s income climbs above the poverty level, more money results in very little extra happiness. “Happiness is a place between too little and too much” (Finnish proverb). Put my focus on relationships and experiences over stuff.

15. I must accept and embrace change. Believe me, I sure did want to but the way I was going about things did not work and I needed a change.

16. Be okay with OKAY. Stop chasing perfection. I am sure as heck not perfect and those that expect me to be -- look at #3 and #8.

17. I create and manifest my own luck — by working hard; believing in myself; surrounding myself with positive, supportive people; and having the right attitude. It works.

18. I do not have to have a plan for everything -- another bitter pill to swallow. Most times the best things in life are serendipitous.

19. NYC, Paris, New Orleans, having wanderlust -- always great ideas.

20. Find the time to read all of the books! Having a cup of tea helps with this!

21. Failure is a blessing because when I fail that is when I will learn best.

22. Find the beauty in everything around me. It’s always there.

23. Even though I have RA and will hurt afterward -- Push my personal limits and try something crazy that I would never otherwise do, like walking across the Brooklyn Bridge or walk close to 2 miles in NYC while snowing in December. I will glow with victory!

24. Smile. It works wonders for my mood.

25. IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME. STOP TAKING THINGS SO DAMN PERSONALLY. In caps for emphasis as this was and will continue to be a big lesson.

26. Nothing happens by accident and nothing is an coincidence.

27. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is stylish and is a true testament to who I am.

28. Having impromptu solo dance parties wherever I am is worth all the stares.

29. My strengths and passions are meant to be shared.

30. Everything I need to be happy is within me, not outside of me. It is no one's job to control my happiness. It is mine.

31. When I don’t get what I want now, it always makes sense why later.

32. It’s always better to bring others up than to drag them down. More people should learn this.

33. I must constantly craft actionable goals inspired by my strengths, passions, and purpose in order to evolve and thrive.

34. I can transform how I feel about and react to anything and anyone by being aware of my thoughts and intentionally challenging and changing them. Also pink salt goes a long way too.

35. Occasionally venting frustrations creates relief, regularly complaining about frustrations creates more frustrations and that does not feel good; which is priority #1.

36. My words really do create my world — both the ones I speak out loud to others and the ones I say internally to myself.

37. I can never be happy all of the time, but I can be happy a lot of the time if I decide to be.

38. Do not measure myself by age. It is just a number after all.

39. Be KIND. It matters.

40. Life is truly beautiful.

BRING IT ON 40!

My Gall Bladder Has Gone Fishin'!

I had a lot of trepidation writing this because I honestly did not think anyone would want to read it but after texting my peeps I received an collective WRITE IT so here it goes...

After the Supernatural convention which was a blast, I started feeling ill. I figured maybe it was con sickness or David gave me his cold but this feeling of ickiness was not like any other feeling of ickiness I have ever experienced. Usually with colds and myself, I get stuffed up and sneezy; I take the NyQuil and the cold is gone in a matter of a day. Not this. I had a fever of 101 degrees, chills, and this incredible pain in my right side that went all the way up to my right shoulder and down to my hip. I could not get comfortable in my bed. I was crying all night. My mom gave me some Gas X thinking maybe it was a lot of trapped gas but relief was not in my future. This was all on Tuesday August 7th. I finally found a comfortable position and went to sleep.

Wednesday August 8th I woke up around 10am still in a lot of pain and fever/chills. I called my doctor; Dr. Gary Cardiello; and made an appointment for that day at 3pm. Typical exam but when he went to examine my right side, I nearly jumped out of my skin. He asked me to take a urine test which everything came up negative but then he gave me the news that something might be wrong with my gall bladder; that I might have gallstones and the only way for relief/to feel better would be surgery. I freaked out but took the news as best I could. He scheduled me for an ultrasound on Friday August 10th at 10am and got the results on Monday August 13th -- had gallstones that decided to float to the neck of the bile duct and block the duct so no bile could flow in and out as well as myself not absorbing enough nutrients and fats. How this happened -- I have no clue. I do know that I was taking more than the prescribed dose of fish oils for my joints so that might have cause it or it could be the fried foods I have eaten over the years; again I have no clue. Only thing I know is I would be losing my gall bladder making this surgery #4 for me.

My doctor recommended two surgeons for me. I went with Dr. Jay Stylman out of Kearny, NJ. While he was nice and explained everything he was going to do, his office staff SUCKED. Very rude, very condescending, very bitchy, no personality or any signs of care. Basically you were a dollar sign to them and that was it. While I would recommend the surgeon himself, he needs a new office staff. My surgery was scheduled for Friday at 12pm at Clara Maass Medical Center in Belleville, NJ.

My nerves were shot the rest of the week but I tried my best to hold it together. I went to hospital on Friday at about 930am, was registered, and then went into the holding pen for close to an hour and a half. I met a slew of nurses who were all very nice and patient. I was wheeled into the operating room about 1145am and met some more nurses -- two of which were kinda cute. I was asked my name and my birthday a million times as well as my allergies which are strawberries and Celebrex as well as being lactose intolerant. I then met my anesthesialogist and he explained what he was going to do. I asked everyone how long they have done their jobs -- apparently this was very important to me. An IV was inserted into my hand and three electrode pads on my chest and a blood pressure cuff on my right arm. I asked if I could be localised so I could watch the surgery in which my surgeon told me I would be really uncomfortable but that he would take a photo of what my gall bladder looked like; which was a lie as I never saw a picture. Oxygen mask on my face and 2 minutes later I was in sleepy land.

About an hour later I woke up in the recovery area with a very dry mouth and pain all in my stomach area. I saw that I have three incisions which means my surgeon performed an Laparoscopic Gallbladder Surgery in which he went in with a scope and other surgical instruments into my stomach to remove my gall bladder. This is the method that you should want as the old method means a longer recovery period. If you want to read more about this procedure, go to this link Laparoscopic Gall Bladder Surgery.

I went down into the main recovery area where I met up with my mother and brother and was instructed to sit in this recliner and just relax/let the anesthesia wear off. I was a chatterbox again, asking everyone about their work, but most of the time I was a big dopey mess. I remember hitting my brother with his shoe over something he said but I do not remember what it was. I finally went to the bathroom, given my aftercare procedures, and went home about 530pm.

It is now Sunday and I am getting better each day. Yesterday I was really sore and I definitely feel that something is missing inside my body but I do feel better. I am still overly gassy which is part of my recovery. I just have to remember to stand up straight so my stomach can heal; even though it is uncomfortable. I should be all ready to go for Dragon Con and for work in two weeks. I am debating about getting a tattoo where my gall bladder used to be. Thought it would be funny. I also have to say goodbye to fried foods and soda but this break up will be for the best.

Thanks to all who helped me through this troubling time, checking up on me and answering any questions I have had.

If You Really Knew Me

I saw this post on one of my favorite blogs which is Dani Hampton -- Sometimes Sweet and thought I would give it a try! I know I try to share myself as much as I can on this blog; when I do have something to write about. Thought this would be a fun post and here we go:

If You Really Knew Me...

You would know that I am at my happiest with people around me talking about various topics.

You would know that I really love dubstep and hip-hop.

You would know that the favorite thing I love to do is people watch, that anything strawberry is forbidden at my house as well as David's, how I could live on tacos and fried chicken even though they are very bad for me, that I do not understand how women can wear stilettos/uncomfortable shoes for the sake of "style" and that I can live in my Converse sneakers every day for the rest of my life, how that even though my friends might not understand me when I speak French that I enjoy practicing with them.

You would know that I want to visit every state in the United States.

You would know that I want to get more tattoos but genuinely afraid of the feedback.

You would know that I hope to one day write a book; just haven't decided the topic yet.

You would know that I do not like everyone, even though I sometimes act like it simply because I know how to be polite and professional and have manners.

You would know that I am the queen of small talk with strangers on trains/buses.

You would know that I am not into a lot of trends/fads but will read up on them if my friends like them i.e. Game of Thrones.

You would know that sometimes weird things happen during a game of Dungeons and Dragons.

You would know that I sometimes have a sailors mouth but will try to curb it when around my nephews Seth and Jace, even though their mom and my close friend Veronica says I do not have to.

You would know that I have no problem asking celebrities to talk to my friends on the phone. What is the worse thing they can say -- no?



How about you?