Lets End 2016 On A High Note

Lets face it my dear readers -- 2016 sucked. It was stocked with many moments of dread, horror, and outrage that affected all of us as a collective. Most of us are in a daze, feeling completely overwhelmed, and for certain feel that 2016 was a travesty. I am so looking forward to throwing away my old calendars as soon as the clock and ball drop at midnight but before I do -- I read this great article from my radical self love guru Gala Darling which encouraged me to take a step back and look at the year for what it truly was. Nothing is wholly bad or perfect and therefore many bright spots in my year. In her article, she asked 10 questions and below are my answers for them. But first a quote from another inspiration of mine -- Sophia Loren: “It is a good reason to talk to yourself, to ask yourself what you have been doing, what you are doing and what you will do. Girls who can’t go off and talk to themselves stay girls and never become women. Women who can’t take stock turn to drink, take pills or worse, but I can take stock. I can send for the bill of life and add it up too. If I ever feel depressed I consider what I have done and what I have accomplished — starting from nothing and arriving now with so much happiness.”

The truth is -- most of 2016 I was either living in a circle of drama, walking on eggshells with a lot of people, or going on autopilot. I think is why I am in crisis mode a lot of the time nowadays -- I haven’t been continually assessing, planning, and course-correcting. However, I am trying to change that by looking at honestly at what’s going on and make adjustments, then making sure where I will end up and where I want to go. So with the being said...lets get on to the question and answer portion of this latest blog.

WHAT WERE YOUR TOP FIVE MOMENTS OF THE YEAR?
1. Definitely one of my top five moment of the year was finally being promoted to a full fledged teaching position. I do not have my own class per say but I am finally get paid the right salary for all of the hard work I have done and will continue to do for the future of America.

2. Creating a tighter and more close knit bond with Veronica. She is simply amazing. There are so many things I could say about her but she knows how I feel. Also getting to meet my new nephew was a big moment.

3. Getting into the band Postmodern Jukebox and seeing them live in Radio City Music Hall. It brought out the creative muses in me.

4. Getting back into what I enjoy, especially independent wrestling. I stopped going to independent shows in 2013 simply because no one wanted to go with me or no one had an interest. That should have never stopped me. I learned and experienced Pro Wrestling Magic and brought myself back to Ring of Honor and Jersey All Pro Wrestling and I was in my element and glory. I must never forsake myself again.

5. The announcement of Nerd Herders Radio returning to the air on Filling the Void network. I missed giving book recommendations and talking about books. I can not wait to get back to saying The Book is Better!

WHAT ARE YOU REALLY GLAD IS OVER?
--Even though it took a lot of waking up and a lot of getting my head out of my ass and realizing that I was, essentially, having battered woman syndrome without the visible bruises -- my relationship of 2 years with the man I thought was "the one". There were many red flags, many issues, many problems, and I tried my best to make it work but relationships are 50/50 and he wasn't putting his end of the bargain into it and I, in turn, became a paranoid codependent insecure person who again completely forgot herself. Now I am not going to say the demise of the relationship was all of his fault, I had my faults as well, but I was only reacting on how he was acting. I do wish that he is happy and that he has a good life.

HOW ARE YOU DIFFERENT TODAY THAN YOU WERE 365 DAYS AGO?
--Well physically, I cut my hair. That is something I did after my relationship was ended, sort of a cleansing in a way. Got that man out of my hair to be so cliche. Emotionally, well that is a different story. Most of 2016 I was a beat puppy who didn't stand up for herself, didn't stand up for what she believed in, forgot about my interests and hobbies, and overall was not glowing and was not the "Dani" that everyone I know grew to love. Now I am making sure to stick to my guns on certain things, being more open and spontaneous, and smiling.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU ACHIEVED THAT YOU FORGOT TO CELEBRATE?
--I do not think so but will ask around to be sure.

WHAT HAVE YOU CHANGED YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON THIS YEAR?
--From talking with Veronica and other people I have changed my perspective on how to be with people. I must not try so hard. Also that relationships are 50/50 and I should have never lost the sense of who I am.

WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT REALLY CAME THROUGH FOR YOU THIS YEAR?
From nerdy bff's to people who bring the law when I need a heavy hit -- those are the people that really came through for me this year. Granted I bet that they all want to bash me upside my head for not thinking clearly and ignoring their advice or just plain ignoring all the red flags and signs. But for them, I am eternally grateful for bringing me back to ormal.

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU TOLERATED FOR A LONG TIME, BUT NOW YOU WILL NOT?
--Heavy drinking that leads to alcoholism. I really should have stuck to my guns on how I will not date someone who is a heavy drinker. My family has a history of alcoholism and I have seen the unfortunate repercussions of it. Having one drink at dinner is fine, but visibly intoxicated to the point of being verbally abused in public, yeah, will not stand for that anymore. Also I will not put in all of the effort into something and get nothing in return. Whats the point?

WHAT OLD BELIEFS DID YOU LET GO OF?
--What old bullshit did I let go of: That in order for me to be in love and in a relationship, I must change to fit them. NO. A relationship should be the joining together of two souls; not the mishmash of two people to form one collective. We should be compliments of one another, make each other stronger and better and spread the love. Not beat each other down unto submission.

WHAT WAS ONE THING THAT YOU FOUND REALLY CHALLENGING, BUT CAN NOW SEE SUPPORTED YOUR GROWTH?
--It will sound weird, but my relationship that ended. It supported how strong I can be, how supportive I can be, how caring I can be. It also provided me the strength that I needed to walk away from toxicity.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU TELL YOURSELF THIS TIME LAST YEAR?
--That he isn't worth it and that I deserve so much better in my life. That this isn't love -- this is abuse and narcissism. Get out and focus on yourself for a while.

My Twelve Commandments

As I thought about my own happiness and positivity through the power of The Happiness Project calendar I worked on identifying the principles that I wanted to guide my own happiness and to make sure that my path was clear. if you have not read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Moi, I suggest you give it a whirl! Here we go.

1: Be Danielle. Never lose sight of who I am.
2: Let the past go. It is there for a reason.
3: Act the way I want to feel. If I want to be happy and perky, act happy and perky!
4: Be polite and always smile. It makes me feel good.
5: Identify the problem I am having and work it out.
6: Lighten up! Everything does not have to be so serious.
7: There is only one thing in this world -- love.
8: Be fair.
9: Forget about results. Just do what I love!
10: Be compassionate.
11: Understand that people will not like you and that is okay.
12: Embrace the geek inside.

What twelve commandments do you live by?

Things I Love Thursday -- February 2nd Edition

HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY EVERYONE! Which groundhog do you follow -- Punxsutawney Phil or Staten Island Chuck? Do you even follow it at all? In any event it is a fun holiday. Also this is Valentines Month! Love month! Woohoo! Now you should love yourself all year long but maybe this month you will step it up a bit? I know in my own path of radical self love (thanks to Gala Darling) writing gratitude lists makes me feel so so much happier and lovely. So why don't you join me on this little journey of love and positivity? With that let us begin....

Here is what I am so much in love with this week,

~~Wearing my Groundhog Day headband all day and not giving a care what people thought. I called myself New Jersey Danielle and "predicted" an early Spring!
~~The weather lately in NYC! Yesterday I sat in Union Square Park listening to Florence + The Machine over and over for two hours straight and it was the most blissful time.
~~Getting into The Guild.
~~Playing Guitar Hero at work and rocking out all of the words of Epic by Faith No More and The Final Countdown by Europe.
~~Having Zumba class at work; even though it kicked my ass I powered through it the best I could!
~~That it is LOVE MONTH!
~~The Hillywood Show parody of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. Watch below.

~~Finally joining the website Pinterest! It is addicting though but there are worse things to be addicting too.
What are you so much in love with this week?

Things I Love Thursday -- January 26th Edition

Hi there fellow readers and writers! Welcome to another week of Things I Love Thursday where I tell you what I am in love with this week. In my pursuit of happiness, one of the things that I have noticed that the more grateful you are, the more happy you are. So have gratitude and be happy! With that said, here is what I am swooning in love with this week:

~~Today is my close friend Michael's birthday! On Twitter his name is Peelman126 -- go wish him a happy birthday please?
~~Getting the stomach flu. Whoa whoa whoa...you are probably saying why in the blue hell would you be so in love about that? Easy -- it caused me to slow down. A lot of times my life is rush rush rush and always busy. This was a way for my body to go "whoa there Dani, we need a break!" Got lots of sleep and rest and honestly feel a lot better.
~~Having Lauren and Veronica sing "Soft Kitty" to me on Facebook and Twitter to make me feel better.
~~Receiving cute e-cards from David when I was not feeling well.
~~Making plans with friend to see the movies that received Best Picture Oscar nominations.
~~This article: 20 Pictures that will make you feel HAPPY



What are you swooning in love with this week?

Doing Things for Others Brings You to the Land of Positivity!

Sometimes, the best way to feel good about yourself is to invest some time in others.

Some wise words from Megan over at Charade Style. Now I have a little confession to make -- I do a lot of things for others and you know what it makes me feel GOOD. In this day and age it is all about the individual, what can you do to make yourself stand out? Well why not helping others be what sets you apart? You might also attract like minded individuals to your cause. Right now my own individual emphasis is finding happiness. As Megan has asked -- We can choose to be positive life forces or we can choose to be negative life forces; what do you choose? I will admit I did have a relapse last week with David when he invited me to watch the NFC Championship game with his friends. I became over-analytical, overzealous, and over thought everything instead of just saying "you know what? He enjoys sports and wants to share it with me so why not go?" I did go, made the best of the situation as I do not know a lot about sports, and had fun. David's team won too and is off to the Super Bowl and he called me his "good luck charm". He roots for the New York Giants by the way.

Now that I have rambled on...let me outline for you some of the helpful things I do for others and that make me feel good/positive. These things can be small or big. The point is to invest in some time in others. Everyone needs some sort of support group and people like it when you are interested in them. Here we go:

1: Go through your closet and donate some items you know you will never wear again to a shelter. I did that three times for The Bowery Mission and it felt so good.

2: Holding the door open for people. Even if they do not say thank you, you at least know you did something nice.

3: Assisting a lost tourist in NYC or whichever city you might live in. Offer places to go too!

4: Volunteer at a library to help someone learn how to read.

5: If your friends have an interest that you really do not know that much about (for example David is a big sports fan) ask them about it! David loves it when I do this. It shows that you care about their life and what they are into.

6: Making a cup of tea for my mom, brother, or father just the way they like it.

7: Bringing in heavy groceries and helping put them away in my house.

What do you do for others?

Thought Tuesday #30

Why hello there feature I forgot about! I am so sorry...this will not happen again. Anyway this little nugget comes from my Happiness Project page-a-day calendar.

SPONTANEOUS TRAIT TRANSFERENCE

In "spontaneous trait transference", people spontaneously and unintentionally associate what you say about the qualities of other people with the qualities of you. If you describe a colleague as hilarious, for example, the listener associates you with that quality. Ever wondered why people want to kill the messenger who brings bad news? Trait transference.


This definitely made me go hmm and realized that I want to be associated with positive traits; not negative ones. What about you?